It’s winter in NYC, at least on the Real Housewives of New York! Bethenny walks into work where Kristopher, her makeup artist, reveals he just had his fat frozen. I may have to try that. Bethenny says, “You’re like the future Janice Dickenson.” Bethenny’s surgery is just 3 days away and while she is having anxiety about it, she’s keeping busy launching a new line of Skinny Girl chocolates, which is her last obligation prior to surgery. The other girls have been really supportive, most surprisingly Ramoaner. “She’s been unbelievable, who would ever think?” Apparently Ramoaner has been popping over with flowers and books to read so she can keep Bethenny company. It’s not like she has anything better to do. “It feels really nice to have friendship, especially now.” Now Tokyo, Bethenny’s hairstylist, shows up to do her hair for the upcoming event. This Skinny Girl is getting transformed with bright red fierce hair. A transformation “Which is exactly what I need right now.”
On a side note, I just love how the editors of the show splice shots of the city all messed up. First they show Central Park, then they show SoHo and then they show the Upper East Side, just to mess with you. Actually, if you don’t live in NYC, you probably don’t know the difference. But I do and it gives me a headache. Moving on. Now Ramoaner and Sonja pop up at a dance studio to learn how to dance like they did at Sushi Rox ( from a few episodes ago). They want to be hip and in the proper decade. Ramoaner displays her turtle time dance moves which are cringe worthy. Sonja is wearing appropriate leggins and a t-shirt while Ramoaner is in heels and one of her ugly macrame dresses. Did Ramoaner just say the words “New Wave”? Sonja just said she was doing The Mashed Potato. Kill me. “Step, step, out.”
Then they start talking about how nobody is happy with LuMann right now because she is on cloud nine. Ramoaner is laughing because they have only been together 4 weeks and oddly Sonja is the one who gets it. “I’m not one to judge, I just want her to be happy.” Yes, those words just came out of Ramoaner’s mouth. Then she says LuMann is only thinking about herself and is not paying attention to her friends. “I hear you, but we have to be a friend to her, too, and realize she’s in love so we just have to give her time,” responds Sonja.
Now to Dylan’s Candy Bar downtown to launch Bethenny’s new candy! Bethenny arrives and rocks it on the step and repeat! She looks awesome as her superhero alter ego in a black and white jumpsuit! Of course she exits the car with snow on the ground with no sleeves. She poses with Carole and claims redheads have more fun. “These product launches are all work and no play and I just wanted Carole there. I don’t have family so I guess I just want Carole to be proud of me (which she is).” After some obligatory product shots, Bethenny admits to Carole she is undone about her upcoming surgery since she has never had surgery before (besides her C-section). She doesn’t feel ready and she has massive anxiety.
Next Jules goes to her plastic surgeon about her vaginal injury. Seriously? I have to gloss over this part because A., I’m disgusted and B., I don’t care. She calls her doctor “Dr. ShAe-fer.” For the love of God!
Carol meets at Bethenny’s apartment to take her to the hospital, or so I thought. However they are on their way to get a second opinion. Another doctor saw her film and now Bethenny prays she doesn’t need surgery. Carole talks her off the ledge of doctor shopping. “You can’t doctor shop because you will always find a doctor to tell you exactly what you want to hear and no patient wants to go with the surgery. And everyone will say they have the best doctor,” says Carole. “I don’t know. I’ve had a weird feeling about this,” says Bethenny. “I don’t even know what I’m doing. I have too many Jewish friends from Boca that give me too many conflicting opinions.” So now Bethenny is all confused.
The two arrive at Dr. Erika Schwartz’ office. She’s an internist who specializes in female modern thinking. Bethenny goes through her year long history since she had her IUD put in and taken out. She is supposed to have a Myomectomy in 2 days. Dr. Schwartz then tells Bethenny she believes less is more and let’s figure out what works best for you – which is EXACTLY what Bethenny wants to hear. Dr. Schwartz suggests progesterone and see how she does with that and allow her body time to heal itself. Bethenny feels huge relief. By the way, I love Bethenny’s big white top with brown leather leggings outfit.
Now Ramoaner shows up to Bethenny’s apartment (where she makes a fire) and she bolts her closets (so Ramoaner can’t steal dresses) and then Dorinda and Carole arrive. They are all having vanilla tea latte so Bethenny can update them on her medical condition. Dorinda is wearing a hideous silver leather jacket. Bethenny explains she cancelled the surgery and is on progesterone. When Bethenny talks about getting her IUD out, Ramoaner mentions she likes the diaphragm. Bethenny says, “1983 called and wants the diaphragm back!” Ramoaner is like “I just have it ready. It’s always in.” TMI. Bethenny explains, “Long story short, she was like, why the rush? Take a break. So I’m not doing the surgery and that’s the answer.”
Now talk turns to LuMann. Carole feels LuMann’s apology was phony and insincere. She has not reached out, and there has been nothing but silence. Carole, it’s because she is in love! Dorinda says to the confessional, “I don’t know why we are talking about this AGAIN and now there’s going to be all kinds of amendments and amendments? No. It’s done. Finished.” Ramoaner chimes in, “I had a talk with her (LuMann) and said, what’s happening between you and Carole? I’m not quite getting it. I don’t know if it’s because you are being so self-absorbed or because you just don’t know better. LuMann responded, ‘Well I apologized, so why didn’t she text me?'” Carole says, “She’s confusing the high road with her high horse.” Bethenny says, “I have never seen such self-absorption. I did not get one sentence in (when we met for drinks).” Ramoaner says, “I just don’t understand her attitude. I’m happy, I’m this, I’m that. She does say ‘I’ a lot.” Bethenny says, “I get a sense of bragging. I’m better than you. I’ve copied her royal hair. She is acting really narcissistic and really just unlikable.” Dorinda is surprised because she doesn’t know this LuMann back when she was the Countess 5 years ago. “Supposedly there is this nether person running around out there in NYC that was wearing a crown and granting people land grants.” Oh! Bethenny got Ramoaner and Dorinda bathing suits. Why? Are they still going to Mexico? Ramoaner wonders if her new rack will fit in it. Carole reached up to touch Ramaoner’s boobs and talk turns to bras. Bethenny says, “Do you get the brazziere out of the drawer with the diaphragm?” “Shut up, I don’t think its’ proper to show my nipples at my age (I agree), I’m not 21,” replies Ramoaner. “Edith Bunker called it a brazziere,” remarks Bethenny.
Dorinda (dressed in all grey again) is meeting LuMann for a latte and you just know she is dying to relay the other girls think she’s back on her high horse. LuMann isn’t feeling well and might not be able to make it to Dorinda’s dinner later that evening. Dorinda just wants them to all act like big girls. “If you want to get back in with these girls you have to get involved with them,” says Dorinda. “Why would I want to get back involved with these girls?” says LuMann. Well they are part of the cast and I doubt LuMann is ever leaving the show so she had better buckle up. “I made the decision, I don’t give a f*ck about Carole,” says LuMann. Doridna replies, “Ramona is on that bandwagon too. LuMann says, “Ohhh, Ramona has turned on me quick.” LuMann says, “I made the decision I don’t give a shit about Carole anymore.” Dorinda says, “Romona was saying I think she’s back on her high horse, she’s playing the Countess again.” LuMann laughs, “Am I surprised Ramona is two-faced? No. She says she’s on my side and she’s my friend, and she’s turned over a new leaf. Ramona has gone to the dark side once again.” LuMann chalks it all up to jealousy. “I don’t think they can stand I found my soul mate and that I’m truly happy and in love. I think it pisses them off and they think that should be me.” Um, definition of narcissism please? Dorinda thinks LuMann should come to the dinner to say her piece. “I have not alienated myself from the group. I have fallen in love.” LuMann begs Dorinda to be the mediator. Then Dorinda pretends to be Ramoaner (like a rehearsal for the evening) and nails the impersonation! I’d give her a 9 out of 10.
Jules’ shows up to Joanne’s Restaurant (Lady Gaga’s father’s restaurant by the way) for the Dorinda’s dinner party looking fab in a crop top (because she is young and weighs 35 pounds), fur and a cool clutch. Dorinda is of course in sparkles, a black sequined tank dress. LuMann walks in not looking sick in all black and drops that she’s been in Palm Beach with Tom. Ug. Then Carole arrives in jeans and I am very disappointed, until I notice her top! It’s this is ultra cool black turtleneck with huge bell cuffs. It’s everything. She is seated next to LuMann! Bethenny shows up in a black and white colorblocked jacket which is a little severe. Bethenny asks LuMann if she has moved in with her boyfriend and she says, “Yeah. It’s on the UES, I love it! It’s the penthouse. I have a terrace. Listen, he’s never been married so he’s never had a a wife, a dog, children.” Bethenny says “Is he ready?” LuMann blushes and says. “Well he’s looking for a ring for me now.” Barf. Carole congratulates LuMann who seems shocked, yet appreciative. So LuMann goes on to Carole, “It was so easy – you know when you know.” Then LuMann says to the confessional. “How odd, I am at a table full of women and the only one happy for me is Carole and I’m pleasantly surprised.”
Now Sonja arrives in something too short and says she has mixed feelings about being in the same room as Bethenny. She is walking on eggshells. “When Sonja came to my office months ago my emotions got the best of me and I was very stern and harsh. I still think it was shady but I don’t like the way that it was handled. I would just like it to be clean with Sonja. She’s been apologizing and Ive been hearing good things. I would like to turn the page,” Bethenny says to the confessional. Conversation turns back to Jules’ cooter so I’m not writing any more than that. Ramoaner shows up in pearls and a purposely tattered Chanel overcoat. “What did I just walk in to?” Romaoner likes to make an entrance and didn’t like the fact nobody made a big deal when she walked in. They were all gabbing and hardly noticed her entrance. Ramoaner did NOT like that one bit! “She likes to be the center of attention and needs a good receiving line,” says Bethenny.
Ramoaner is seated next to LuMann who announces she is not feeling well and not staying for dinner. Then she turns to Ramoaner and tells her that Dorinda basically spilled the beans on what Ramoaner has said about her. “So Dorinda tells me you are talking nasty about me these days, is that right? She told me that you don’t have my back.” Ramoaner plays dumb, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She flat out denies it (lies) and says, “No I said some other people have said (bullshit) that you’re acting kinda surreal like the way you used to act.” LuMann says. “You know, I wish you would be happy for me because all of my friends are happy for me.” Now Ramoaner is like “What the hell is Dorinda doing? Is she trying to stir the pot? (Um, yeah).” Dorinda and Jules leave to smoke. LuMann continues “I’m in love and I’m happy.” Ramoaner says “You’re seeing a hesitation from me because the stories are flying…” LuMann cuts her off, “I’m sure the stories are flying about Tom and the girls in his life (camera moves to Sonja), guess what, he’s 49, he’s a bachelor.” Ramoaner says, “He was holding hands with another girl when you jumped on him.” Now they get into it but it’s hard to hear. “LuMann says “If you want to be my friend, you defend me as friend. So don’t talk sh*t about me behind my back. I thought we were moving forward.” Ramonaer tries to talk her way out of it and LuMann says, “Do you really believe your own bullshit?” The word bullshit then gets bleeped out about 100 times. Bethenny looks at LuMann, Sonja and Ramoaner and says,”The 3 of you live in a very small world! You have been with the same guys!” LuMann says who? And the whole table yells “Harry!” He’s old news. Bethenny says, “I find it very interesting that all three of you have dated Tom.”
Then Sonja just throws her prosthetic leg the table. Sonja puts it right out there says she and Tom were friends with benefits for 10 years. The entire table looks at Sonja gobsmacked. The she says,”we were friends, but they (LuMann and Tom) are dating and are in love! They are getting married” Whoa. Sonja says to the confessional, “I knew it was just a matter of time before it was brought up that I had a history with Tom. I’m putting it right out there. Friends with benefits to maybe take a little sting out of it for Lu!” Well that seems to piss LuMann off even more (which it should). “Nothing you say can change my mind about this guy. I don’t care who f*cked who. Sonja was supposed to be my friend. Why did she say that? She had no relationship with Tom.” LuMann continues “It pisses me off because when you’re up here and you’re feeling great and you’re in love, everybody tries to rip you down. Can you not be happy for me? All my friends are happy for me except for you bitches! Why?” LuMann says with the exception of Carole. Now they all start yelling and LuMann gets up and leaves.
To be continued…
So far in order of fashion sense as of the 14th episode (and this is subject to change per episode):
Do you agree?
Until next week…raise your class of Pinot Grigio, Skinny Girl, Tipsy Girl, Modern Alkeme or dirty martini! “These, these are my friends.”