The Recap And Fashion Drama of The RHONY Season 8: Ep 1

“Diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend, martini’s are!” Seriously? And don’t fine wines get better with age? Not time. But Ramoaner ain’t gonna say the word “age” ever baby (especially now that she’s a cougar on the prowl. One with no game I might add). Who would want to draw attention to the fact they are the oldest person in the now 7 character Real Housewives of New York cast? And by characters I mean characters! Are these women for real? Yes. Yes they are.

Let’s just start by talking about about Bethenny’s second apartment? Holy sh*t. Man she moved on up from the Upper East Side (remember her little apartment in the first season?). That place is a New Yorker’s wet dream. The closet was insane as was her collection of Cartier watches. In season one she was wearing Michael Kors. Yes, I’m more than a tad envious. Not of her divorce drama, but the rest of it. Her fashion game has also vastly improved. But why can’t I help liking Bethenny I want to not like her, but I can’t. I just love her one-liners. She’s got my sense of humor. We have actually sparred once and I kept up! I was proud.

So when Dorinda went to see Bethenny’s new pad the first thing I thought was…what is up with that grey shirt lady? It literally had cut-out elbows! I don’t think I have ever seen that before and I don’t want to again. It was awful and made me actually prefer a cold shoulder top (which I also detest), but I digress. Dorinda, you need some styling help. From the neck up you look great, but your outfits are a hot mess.

The surprise is that Cougar Carole and Adam are still going on strong! Who would have guessed? I like the way she dresses, even if it might be a tad young and boring to some, but I probably prefer it because she wears ripped jeans like I do and I just relate more to her sense of style. But she lost major points by naming that adorable puppy Baby! Seriously? You couldn’t think of anything better? You’re a writer! Wait until that dog is 13 and can hardly walk and you’re calling it “Baby!” Oy. I named my dog Tinkerbell when I was in third grade. By the time I was in high school I was mortified. But I was in third grade! I had an excuse.

Oh Ramoaner. NYC men can’t handle you! You don’t shut up and you honestly think you have mellowed? Watching her flirt is embarrassing which was made very clear by her daughter’s horror. Ramoaner, you GO on man-hunt with your 21 year old daughter – while she looks justifiably mortified. I hate Ramoaner’s style but I do like the longer hair. I loved when Bethenny called her “Ranona Ryder with new titties.” I literally spit out my wine with that one.

Let’s move on to my two other favorite train wrecks, LuMann and Sonja. 7 foot tall LuMann is out of breath walking up Sonja’s 4 flights of stairs, so clearly her body does not come from the gym. And I can’t wait to discuss Sonja, but she wasn’t in much if this episode. Bummer, because she usually brings the crazy. I liked seeing her in a paint splattered black polo tee though. Who knew she actually got her hands dirty? I was sure she made her “interns” do everything. I hated the leopard print scarf by the way. And I just can’t even go there about The Countess and her extra teeth (of course she has extra teeth to rip her prey). Make it stop.

Carole rides the subway? Now I love her more. She meets Ramoaner for lunch clearly on the Upper East Side and when Ramoaner shows off her her burgundy boots that match her wrap sweater I seriously want to vomit…trying a little too hard and obviously the longer hair was extensions because the length changed the entire episode. Ramoaner is sounding as scattered as Sonja and that is truly frightening! Pretty soon she will be hiring and abusing interns. What she really needs is to hire a stylist.

 

I loved Bethanny’s day date outfit with the white coat over her shoulders…money suits her well. I agree with Dorinda, her date Jon looks exactly like her soon to be ex (I thought the same exact thing and then she said it!) And Dorinda, I’m sorry, but your John is a schmuck. When he started pulling at the zipper on her dress on their “anniversary” dinner I wanted to smack him. I would have walked out. Nobody gets Dorinda’s boyfriend. Me included. How does she touch that guy? Ew. I don’t get the attraction and just thinking about it makes me queasy.

Jules is gorgeous, but clueless. They are going to eat her alive. She’s a full-time mom with a live-in nanny, a housekeeper and an eating disorder. The whole secret to raising children is not bribery! Read a parenting book. May I suggest How To Raise and Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims? Then again, she doesn’t actually raise her kids. Being a mommy for her must be tough. She does deserve a raise (eye roll)!

For Bethenny to call someone thin means they are thin! So this Jules/Bethenny thing should get interesting. Best Bethenny one-liner’s of the night: “It’s like eating pasta at the Olive Garden!” “They party like it’s 1999.” “I don’t have patience for half truths.” You tell them girl!

So far in order of fashion sense as of the first episode (and this is subject to change per episode):

1. Bethenny

2. Jules (might move up to #1 but we didn’t see that much of her).

3. Carole

4. LuMann

5. Dorinda

6. Sonja

7. Ramoaner

Do you agree?

Until next week…raise your class of Pinot Grigio or dirty martini! “These, these are my friends.”

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Photos: Bravotv.com