This episode of The Real Housewives of New York City begins with Sonja getting a massage and facial (of free sperm) from her gossipy massage/facialist therapist and simultaneously texting. There is nothing stopping her from texting. So relaxing. Getting ready for her birthday party. She’s wearing a towel so there isn’t much to talk about there. “John would never miss the opening of an envelope,” Sonja remarks lovingly. Now to Carole’s apartment where she has invited a psychic. Jules arrives looking skinny and chic with food from Eately which is ironic since Jules doesn’t eat. Then Dorinda arrives wearing a crazy bright silk poncho over and cameo Chanel bag which doesn’t match. Don’t worry, the poncho comes off to reveal a gray turtleneck! Of course, because she has to wear drab gray.
This show could be renamed the Real Divorcees of New York except for Jules who is truly married (for now) but is a complete ditz. She can’t make coffee and is disgustingly thin. Her parenting and cooking segments are pathetic and boring. Doesn’t her husband know by now she can’t make coffee? “My husband loves me as long as I put the effort in. Morning time is family time! There’s not enough of me. My life is being the mother to three children.” Whatever. Until the nanny takes over. Honey, the only way you are getting back for another season is if you either go to a hospital for an eating disorder and they can make a story around that or if your husband cheats on you and even that didn’t help Kristen Taekman. Moving on.
“Diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend, martini’s are!” Seriously? And don’t fine wines get better with age? Not time. But Ramoaner ain’t gonna say the word “age” ever baby (especially now that she’s a cougar on the prowl. One with no game I might add). Who would want to draw attention to the fact they are the oldest person in the now 7 character Real Housewives of New York cast? And by characters I mean characters! Are these women for real? Yes. Yes they are.
Since I already waste so much watching reality TV such as the Housewives of Wherever I thought we should start recapping and discussing some of the fashions (and fashion tragedies) from some some of my favorites Housewives such as the upcoming RHONY and the new and probably sure to be unbelievably over-the-top Dallas. So stay tuned for recaps coming this April. If all goes well, we may also do The Bachelor/Bachelorette since I don’t usually watch it, but I know many of our readers do. I will be live Tweeting too so be sure to follow us.