This episode of The Real Housewives of New York City begins with Sonja getting a massage and facial (of free sperm) from her gossipy massage/facialist therapist and simultaneously texting. There is nothing stopping her from texting. That’s so relaxing. Getting ready for her birthday party – she’s wearing a towel so there isn’t much fashion to talk about there. “John would never miss the opening of an envelope,” Sonja remarks lovingly.
Now to Carole‘s killer cool apartment where she has invited a psychic. Jules arrives looking super skinny and super chic with food from Eately which is ironic since Jules doesn’t eat. Then Dorinda arrives wearing a crazy bright silk poncho and cameo Chanel bag which doesn’t match. Don’t worry, the poncho comes off to reveal a gray turtleneck! Of course, because she has to wear drab color like gray. At least now the bag matches. The reading at Carole’s is conducted by Kim Russo. Dorinda is invited and loves anything involved with the paranormal. Carol comments “you’d think she was meeting the the Queen of England.” Then Bethenny shows up who is not entirely open to the process to say the least. “I read energy here or there.” “It’s not very Jewish to see a physic,” adds Jewish Jules. Yet, Russo freaks her out by telling her she is on her correct path; her mission is to be an influence over women. Bethenny rolls her eyes.
But the attention quickly turns to Dorinda who knows she is popular with the other world. A “John” is trying to come through to her, but which one? Apparently there are too many John’s in her life (Dad, grandfather and boyfriend). “It’s a very uncommon name” deadpans Bethenny. Ramoaner is late and comes in like a heard of buffalo and interrupts the energy and reading. Sorta reminds me of my own mother. I digress. At any rate she is wearing all black which should be NYC chic, but isn’t. The line ‘yep, these are my friends’ is then said by Carole.
Back to Dorinda. Russo taps into Richard her deceased husband and his brother Robert who are both coming through. “He sends you the coins.” Dorinda freaks out. “When he (Richard) died he said I’m going to leave change out for you and I find coins in weird places. Usually dimes or nickles.” Russo asks, “want to know what Richard thinks about your current guy? (YES! We ALL do!) He’s good for now. He can’t give you that safety (you need) and it’s not about money.”
“Bethenny, I see a man around you who says you are looking more and more like your mother. I feel like you are blocking me, not on purpose.” She has to look it up on her phone (for his death date) but it’s her father. What? “Not direct since he doesn’t connect to his heart.” Bethenny is not impressed. She’s also told she probably won’t get married again. Tell her something she doesn’t know. “Tell me when my divorce will be over!”
“Do you see me getting married again?” asks Dorinda. Russo replies, “Want me to be honest? It won’t be with John.” Ramonaer says what we are all thinking “Thank God” and Dorinda replies “He doesn’t like you either, he thinks you’re a bitch. Don’t say a mean word about John. Mario? Oh sorry that’s right, he left you for someone else.” OUCH! “Ramoaner lit the match and Dorinda fueled the fire” says a horrified Carole.
A hurt Ramoner changes the subject back to something she really cares about – herself – and asks if she will get married again and she is told yes, but this time it will be very different. “You will do things differently.”
“The cheese platter was a-mazing. I’m going to pick up my daughter.” Bethenny is out.
Ramoaner’s dad comes through next. He died two weeks after the last time she saw him. They were not close until right before he died. “Your dad has been with you through your whole ordeal (divorce).” Russo mentions the picture where she posed with him right before he died. The only time she every posed with him. Nobody knows about that picture so she’s freaked out yet comforted.
“You need to give me a break about John. It’s breaking my heart,” Dorinda says to Ramoaner. “I’m sorry. It just slipped out. It was a stupid thing to say.” Then they huddle, hug and kiss on the sofa.
Now Carole comes over to Jules’ apartment. She asks what’s that thing Carole is removing. It’s an iPod. “What’s an iPod? I listen to music on my phone.” “I’m old school,” replies Carole. I’d laugh harder if it were a Discman. Both are dressed very causal cool and Carole is wearing high-top Converse sneakers. I love her.
Jules doesn’t make coffee or apparently tea. “How does she not know how to make tea?” Conversation turns to the reading “Jews don’t want to know their fate.” Skeptic Bethenny was on her phone the whole time. Carole thought Dorinda was going to lunge at Ramoaner. “Do I have sage here (in my apartment)?”
“Do you understand what the psychic was saying to you about being a role model?” asks Carole. She puts a lot of food over when guests are coming over. She obviously cares about and has a relationship with food. She’s too skinny. “Your sole mission is to articulate yourself in a way that emancipates you and to help other people. To be a role model,” says Carole who has done a lot of soul searching herself. “People call me skinny all the time and I know it’s not a compliment.” Carole says, “you should think about writing or making speeches.” Possibly, if she can EVER form a complete sentence or thought.
Ick! Dorinda meets Jerky John for dinner. He is such a cheese ball and overdoes it. He always acts nervous around Dorinda and tries too hard. Is he just doing this for the cameras? He is so insecure and obnoxious. “I was just massacred by Ramoner.” John keeps plowing through the conversation like a Mac truck. I actually like the velvet dress/top Dorinda is wearing, but she needs more makeup. Or it might be the cameras. All roads lead back to John. “Listen to me,” he keeps saying which just pisses Dorinda off. “It’s so rude.” Going forward he still goes back and/or talks about himself all the time. Dorinda just wants John and Ramoaner to get along. “Basta! Done. Grab an EasyPass back to Queens. I’m done.” She walks out of the restaurant. “Oh baby, don’t do that.” Dorinda says, “he doesn’t see he is part of the problem.” REALLY??? Could he possibly be as blind as he is stupid.
Sonja is getting ready for her birthday party and sticking a Q-tip up her nose because she is allergic to makeup. But not booze. She tells the makeup artist she’s sorry she can’t invite her because she can’t invite everyone and is rude. “The last thing I want to do is throw a birthday party for myself (yeah, right), but I am using this time to share this latest venture!” Oh God. Her next get rich quick scheme. I’m sure this entire party is paid for by Bravo and sponsors because Sonja still doesn’t have two dimes to rub together. “I am taking Bethenny’s advice and not saying anything about this latest venture.”
Cut to Bethenny who is hustling! She loves her fans who come out in the rain to see her and considers herself lucky to have them. “I am very involved in my brand! I do not pretend it is easy. This whole thing is me. I’m not easy to work for. I’m very strong willed and particular.” Got it. She actually serves and greets fans from her Skinny Girl truck. It’s not like the old days when nobody would come to her events.
Back to Sonja. “My parties have to have a lot of booze!” So naturally she has teamed up with Ramoaner’s now ex-business partner and has a BIG surprise for the evening. All the girls wear black dresses. Jules looks fabulous but is a good foot taller than her husband. Ramoaner is once again wearing something I don’t care for. A black dress with a white sparkle web thing going on at the top. Sonja is not surprisingly wearing a low cut black (jumpsuit?) which might cause a nip slip. LuMann shows up wearing a floral dress with a black jacket or sweater (I can’t tell) but it’s her hair which is so troublesome. It looks like it went through a blender.
Somebody calls out Jerky John that he is all wired up immediately at the event. Is it just nerves and the camera lights that make him sweaty and hyper, or is it drugs? Again Dorinda says “people don’t understand the relationship between John and I. Last night we didn’t have a good dinner but tonight will be a good night.” Um, OK. One can hope.
LuMann confronts Ramoaner that she heard she called her a bad influence on Sonja. “You don’t get drunk?” Ramoaner replies, “Sure I’ll go out and have a drink or two, but I don’t stay out until 4 am and bring guys home. I’m afraid of the two of you living together.” Wait. Did she just say she’s trying to get Sonja away from random men. Er what? Danger! Danger!
“OMG! You are so ungrateful,” says LuMann when she hears Ramoaner is upset she got a re-gifted birthday present from her own tacky jewelry line. “And in front of me you gave Bethenny a gorgeous Carlos Falchi bag with her initials?” So LuMann says, “So you don’t like the gift I gave you? You’re funny.” Where is Bethenny anyway?
Time for Sonja’s speech: “You’ve all been there for me for my highs and lows. And now I’d like to announce I’ll be passing trays of my new Prosecco, Tipsy Girl.” Very original name and yet oddly fitting. Why not just call it “Drunk I’ll Go Home With You If You Have Money Girl?” Ramoaner says, “That’s the last thing Sonja needs! Of course you love the name Tipsy Girl!”
Bethenny is going to have a cow when she gets wind of this. But we will have to wait for next week for THAT to play out!
So far in order of fashion sense as of the 6th episode (and this is subject to change per episode):
Do you agree?
Until next week…raise your class of Pinot Grigio, Skinny Girl, Tipsy Girl or dirty martini! “These, these are my friends.”