2016 Trends That Need To Die Right NOW!

I love a good trend as much as the next gal, but after a certain age I have found they don’t all like me. Therefore, I say you need to be comfortable in your own skin and know what works on you and what does not. Trust me there have been more than a few times I almost left the house wearing something I was not 100% confident in, so I took it off and have never regretted it. Some friends pointed out trends like the return of Dolphin shorts (the ones Chrissy wore on Three Is Company in the 70’s), over 100 coats of nail polish so your nails appear to have multi-colored snails on them (Google it, you’ll vomit) and overalls (which I maintain only look good on the under 10 set) – but I have not personally seen these too much. These following trends I would never even consider. Neither should you.

Pink Hair

Jenny-McCarthy-pink-hair
Jenny McCarthy goes PINK!

Unless your name is Pink, this is a trend you should avoid. Case in point, Jenny McCarthy above. She looks insane, and I don’t mean as in insanely good. I mean certifiable. She’s too old to pull this off. At first I thought this was a wig, but then I saw roots. Yikes. This also goes for blue hair, green hair and any combination there of. Ombre is a little played out too. I’m not saying don’t color your hair (Lord knows I color the hell out of mine), but keep it in the brown, red, blonde, and normal hair color family if you’re over 40.

Scrunchies

up-dos-with-scrunchies-2016-buns
Scrunchie 2016

There is a reason Carrie Bradshaw made fun of them in the late 90’s. They should have stayed dead and buried. Unless you are in the privacy of your own bathroom, this hair accessory should never see the light of day.

Cold Shoulder Tops

cold-shoulder-top-short-sleeves-burgundy
Burr, my shoulders are cold!

I have lightened up on and in fact sometimes even like the off-the-shoulder top, but I just can’t get down with the cold shoulder top. They scream old-lady to me. They say “hey, my arms look like sh*t but this small part of the top of my shoulder looks OK, so I’ll do it. It’s sexy.” Problem is, they just look weird and are the opposite of sexy. I hope they die because they burn my retinas every time I see one.

Furry Shoes

furry-shoes-runway-fashion-2016
Fur in the summer ain’t cool.

Thanks Gucci. I blame you for making fashiontards think wearing furry Chewbacca shoes is remotely cool. Especially in the summer. Can you imagine the discomfort not to mention the smell? Ew. It’s like Uggs in California in summer. It’s just way wrong. On the positive side, they make me laugh until I cry. And laughing is good, right?

70’s Glasses

1970s-style-sunglsses-oversized-orange-gold
These are dated!

I actually like some styles of 70’s sunglasses but the Sophia Loren style frames have got to go. If your mom wore them in the 70’s they are not cool if you are over 40. They are just old.

Stiletto Nails With Nail Art And/Or Crystals

long-dagger-fingernails-multicolor
These look gross and scary.

I don’t care how much you like nail art, this trend is just played out. First of all, nails that look like dangerous weapons are not attractive. Add crystals and it’s just tacky. In fact, they look really dirty to me. I find myself staring at them and not in a good way. I’m all for a little flair on your nails, but I’m not into nails that will stab you.

Bushy Eyebrows

bushy-eyebrows-trend-2016
They work if you are baby faced…I suppose.

Thankfully I don’t see too many women over 40 trying this trend because it’s like arm pit hair. It just doesn’t work. Your chances of being “discovered” or winning America’s Next Supermodel are long gone and if you remember Brooke Shields in Pretty Baby you are entirely too old. Conversely razor thin 90’s brows look terrible too. Try something in between the two. Besides, by now you should have an idea what kind of brow works best for you. If you don’t know, find a good brow lady STAT.

Ankle Bracelets

ankle-bracelets-fashion-runway-spring-2016-chloe-calvin-klein-marc-jacobs
Ankle bracelets on the runway.

Oddly this tacky relic from the 90’s made the spring/summer ’16 runways again and was unilaterally abhorred. Luckily I have only seen them on a few people so I’m thinking this may not have caught on to the masses, but I have seen them in NYC so I am scared. Even on models and millennial fashion bloggers they look stupid. That’s really saying something. What’s next? Toe rings? The only ankle bracelet that’s acceptable IMO is the one mandated by the courts and then you really can’t leave the house anyway.

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