We open this week of The Real Housewives of New York City at Gray Gardens otherwise (I learned this week) referred to as “Chateau (Lady) Morgan.” LuMann is moving in to her own suite on the 5th floor. She has her house in the Hamptons, gave up her West Side apartment and needs to devote all her time to finding the man she is confident she will soon meet. She shows up wearing a Santa coat and Sonja greets her in a fur trimmed jacket. In her house. Apparently she doesn’t turn on the heat. Get the Grey Gardens reference yet? LuMann says, “she’s (Sonja) rudderless without her daughter around. I’m like the man in the relationship with Sonja (you got that LuMann). Without me around I think she’s more stable.” Honey with you she’s unstable!
“I’m convinced I’m going to meet Mr. Right and who knows where he’ll whisk me off to?” Sonja adds, “It’s time for Luann and the odds are good, besides she’s dating like 60 men at once.”
LuMann says “What’s going on with The Tipsy Girl? I just thought we were going to your birthday party. You totally sprung that on us.” Sonja replies, “Well I called on Peter (Ramona’s Peter). I know him way longer than Ramona. And he has the restaurants to distribute the prosecco.” LuMann says, “did you talk to Bethenny about it? Did you check with Bethenny on the name? It hits a little close to home.” Sonja isn’t seeing it. “Oh there’s a million things called tipsy. I’m not planning to be a mogul like Bethenny. She wants me to do well. I’m no threat to Bethenny. I need to get advice from her.” Turns out Peter trademarked the name. Oh Sonja.
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Now to Bethenny who is wearing a cute black and white color-blocked mini is on her way to meet the girls for dinner and she’s annoyed because she has been dragged into a kerfuffle with Sonja. Page Six started a whole Skinny vs. Tipsy Girl thing and now Bethenny must deal with that. Sonja has called Bethenny her “mentor.”
Meanwhile Romoaner has set up a dinner at some restaurant and starts moving chairs because they are not to her liking and Carole (looking gorgeous in a beige knit turtleneck cape-like sweater) looks on in disbelief. “I don’t know this woman.” Ramonaer proceeds to order apps for everyone before they show up because she is a control freak. Tuns out Bethenny is allergic to everything she ordered but that’s fine because she has a second dinner to attend.
“So Sonja has a meeting scheduled at my office because apparently I’m her “mentor.” Ramoner says the whole thing was kinda strange. We went to what we thought was her birthday party and you know Sonja always comes up with these cockamamie business ideas that mean nothing and the new thing is that she wants to sell prosecco.”
To the confessional Bethenny says “On a personal note, it’s shady. Don’t get cute with the tipsy and skinny. I get it. It’s a little too close for comfort. It would be like watching your husband with somebody else. She just wants to get on my coat tails and get in the paper. My partners are annoyed. I took her behind the curtain and like this is disgusting!” Ramoaner says “do you even think she knows what she is doing?” Both Carole and Bethenny in unison say YES! “She’s very cunning,” Carole adds.”She’s funny because she expects everyone to be there and support her, but she really doesn’t support anyone else.” I just realized Carol needs to back off the fillers a bit (I digress).
“She’s very narcissistic,” says Bethenny. Romoaner says “You know what? You hit the nail on the head.” Carole says to the confessional “She bumbles her way in to business deals most of which aren’t very successful, but this is a real screw-up because it could cost her a friendship.”
“When I’m done. I’m done. Here is my mantra in life, I don’t deliberately f*ck with anybody. Just don’t f*ck with me!” says Bethenny.
Now Dorinda and Ramoaner meet for breakfast at Sara Beth’s on the Upper East Side (I love that place) near where their kids went to school. They have history there. Their relationship has gotten strained. Let’s talk about clothes. Ramoaner is wearing a nondescript green dress and Dorinda is wearing a white sweater set with a black and white scarf (not bad). Ramoaner doesn’t like John but if she wants to have a friendship with Dorinda she will have to accept him. Dorinda says “So what do you think of this Tipsy Girl thing? Is that a really good idea? I feel like Sonja is in a weak place.” Ramoaner says “Tipsy means getting drunk and is that really a good role model for your daughter (you shipped off to boarding school)?” Dorinda says “Ultimately Sonja is a good girl. I feel like she is in a weak place.”
“I’m feeling very disenchanted with our friendship,” says Ramoaner. Dorinda says “Well I get that. And I think you are at a point where you are trying to move forward and grow and are in a big transition. Sonja is staying where she has always been. She’s not growing. Maybe YOU have moved to another dimension.” The irony is not lost on Dorinda. The parallel is very clear, “It’s also about me and Ramoaner. So maybe in all of this murky water it is Ramoaner who has changed.” Hold that thought.
“Are we solid with our friendship? You need to support me regardless. I need you to support and accept it (John), I’ve been with him for three years.” says Dorinda. Ramoaner replies, “I’m trying to but my mouth keeps getting in the way.”
Bethenny was up until 4 am on a Tuesday night enjoying a great date (somewhat unexpected) and now has to have a conversation with Sonja and she really doesn’t want to. Bethenny looks fab in leather pants, a bright blue asymmetrical sweater with zippers and a grey Chanel bag. She has anxiety (she said sharted) over meeting with Sonja and of course Sonja has not a clue what she is about to walk into. I am actually nervous for Sonja because Bethenny “does NOT come from a long line of sugar-coaters.”
Sonja shows up to her own funeral in all black. It’s very awkward. “Cute office in your signature red color. We have similar colors. I have red and green on my website,” SHUT UP Sonja!
Bethenny starts, “So you are saying you are coming out with a brand called Tipsy Girl (yes with partners) one of which is shady.” “Who’s that?” asks Sonja. Bethenny replies, “Peter. I’ve heard from others he’s all show and no go.” “Well he does have the trademark to Tipsy Girl,” says Sonja. Bethenny starts to hammer Sonja on the distributors and Sonja is stumbling. She has no idea who is distributing her Tipsy Girl. “Is this like the stores your clothes are in?” says Bethenny. Oh no! Yikes.
Sonja says. “This is not my mentor giving me tough love, this is just tough.” She continues “We are at the beginning phases. I just asked friends at a personal birthday party to try my prosecco and let me know what they thought of it. I love the name, I thought it was so cute. Peter came up with it. Bethenny says, “I’m sure you do (like the name). It’s called a cheater brand when a brand rides on the coat-tails of another brand.” Sonja actually says “I think it’s just a fluke. I would never try to copy you. I look up to you. You mentor me.”
Bethenny cuts her off, “OK, the situation is the following; you’ve asked me before for business advice and I’ve told you. I am just personally hurt. I don’t care because you can’t actually hurt my business so it doesn’t mater. I put my neck out for you and brought you into my world. I’m completely insulted and I don’t want anything to do with you.”
“I would not have thought that. I would have thought you’d want to help me,” replies Sonja with tears in her eyes. “You never reached out to me,” says Bethenny. “I think you are a fraud, because you come up with all bullshit brands and nobody buys any of it (remember the toaster?). I don’t believe all of it.” Sonja is shocked “I don’t know why you are being so aggressive. I thought you’d be sympathetic. I just came out of a Chapter 11 (here we go again). I thought the alcohol would be a great idea to help me get back to where I was.” Sonja has a break down. Oh my God is she dumb, “I wasn’t thinking big like you are doing.” Now Bethenny feels badly but says to the camera “You can’t play stupid and smart at the same time.”
“I wish you well and I don’t believe you didn’t do this intentionally.” Bethenny has compassion for her but she needs to step away. “Maybe it’s not a cheater brand. I wish you the best, I don’t want to have this conversation anymore. Thank you for coming.” Buh bye.
Cut to Jules! Our favorite stay at home mom who’s nanny just quit after she got her Christmas bonus and never even said goodbye to the kids. And we are about to find out why. She’s impossible! Oh no Jules has to take care of her kids herself and and clean the house and cook! The horror. What does she do all day? Anyway, she’s about to interview a nanny she found from an Uber driver (only in NYC). Michael wants the nanny to speak Spanish and Jules wants a nanny who can wait in line for sample sales like Bonpoint. Jules looks chic in a charcoal sweater with black sleeves, black pants and thigh high brown suede boots. Very New York, but suddenly I no longer like her. So this adorable nanny arrives, but only speaks some Spanish. Not enough for Jules or her mini husband. She also asks if she knows how to get to the Bonpoint sample sale – because she does not wait in line. I’m SERIOUS! But bonus, this nanny can do a blowout! Then as a test Jules makes the nanny pick out clothes for her daughter! Is this for real? She passes that test but doesn’t get the job because she speaks Spanglish! Jesus. I now hate Jules. She represents EVERYTHING I loathed about living in NYC. There really are women like this and they make me want to vomit. A lot of vomit.
Now cut to Carole and her boyfriend Jesus (Adam). She’s adopting (fostering) a kitten for a temporary home. She says it’s good for her dog Baby and her Instagram. Adam is back and cooking. She needs to eat healthier. The kitten is never leaving because the dog is attached even though Carole says there is no way she will get attached “I don’t get attached the stuff that easily.” Carole is helping Adam write a cookbook called “The Reluctant Vegan.” She loves the story and she’s hangry. “The philosophy is Love your food, Love yourself, Love your life. Why are we a nation obsessed with processed foods?” Well since when is vegan the best thing too? I have heard the opposite. Now where’s my burger? Oh and the pets are getting along way too well. Carole has a cat! She was warned not to mix business with pleasure too and now she’s writing a cookbook with her boyfriend.
LuMann shows up at Sushi Roxx for an event. The place is an experience that Sonja and Ramoaner can’t miss. The three start talking about LuMann’s love life and how her dry spell is over. So is Sonja’s apparently. She’s dating a carpenter, a musician, etc. LuMann is wearing some ugly red lace dress with the blender hair again. Ramonaer is wearing some fuchsia sleeveless dress with black piping (meh) and Sonja looks the best wearing a black sleeveless high neck dress. Conversation turns to vaginal rejuvenation and Raomoaner makes a comment about something she heard about LuMann I can’t repeat because I’m so grossed out.
Last scene, I hope. We are now at an event for a designer that Dorinda’s John is hosting. It’s not about the designer (Malan Breton) BTW. Sweaty John grabs the microphone and gets distracted by the stain on Dorinda’s lilac dress (the dress is very pretty BTW). Wait! It’s a sales opportunity because he gets stains out! Asshat. Jules and her mini husband show up and Jules is wearing a black dress that laces up the front.
Oh wait, back to Sushi Roxx. LuMann and Sonja start trash talking Bethenny because they have both been ripped to shreds by Bethenny recently. They have something else to bond over. Now they are on their way to the event John is hosting. Apparently Ramoaner wasn’t invited but showed up anyway. And LuMann’s cast-away boy toy (Rey) she blew off shows up and looks like he is about to pounce. It’s about to go downhill fast. The guy is a mess and they won’t show the conversation but they let us hear it with subtitles of course. He’s obviously drunk or high and telling LuMann he loves her and is having a mental break down. LuMann bolts and now we get to see Rey who is DRUNK!
John is not happy and asks Rey to leave because he is making a scene and kicks Ramoner out too, but she makes a huge scene. Why would Ramoaner stick up for this drunk mess? Now even I’m confused. Dorinda is rightfully pissed. Ramoaner picked the wrong horse in this race. She’s outside making an ass of herself and drunk Rey is on the sidewalk with a drink in his hand which I am sure is illegal in NYC. I have to say I just noticed Ramoaner’s hot pink dress is a mini and she’s wearing it with thigh high black suede boots and I’m not digging the look on her. If she were 40, maybe. “How dare you ruin another event of mine! You get the f*ck out!,” screams Dorinda at Ramoaner. Dorinda hops in a cab because she’s also mad how John handled the situation.”His actions are correct but his but his reaction is what devalues it. You don’t put your hand in a woman’s face. Ever,” says Dorinda. Everyone leaves John. It’s a mess and there is no coming back from this one. Well maybe there is. We will have to see next week.
So far in order of fashion sense as of the 7th episode (and this is subject to change per episode):
Do you agree?
Until next week…raise your class of Pinot Grigio, Skinny Girl, Tipsy Girl or dirty martini! “These, these are my friends.”
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