The Recap And Fashion Drama of The Real Housewives Of Dallas Season 1: Ep 4

I am still wondering why I am wasting my time watching this crap. Is anyone else watching The Real Housewives Of Dallas? I also still don’t know what “bow at me” means! Oh well.

So a mere 30 seconds in, Brandi says the word “poop.” I’m beginning to tire of her infantile behavior, limited vocabulary, baby voice and utter vapidness. Apparently she has 2 dogs and a bunny, which probably poop all over her house.

Cut to LeeAnne who says, “My day starts with charity. Charity, charity, charity. This is what do!” I suppose it’s admirable, but she also needs to get a life. She’s totes annoying. She goes to meet Heidi Dillon who is “the queen of the charity world.” *Note: I’m actually for once digging LeeAnne’s look. She goes to call on Heidi rocking a top bun and wearing modern black and white look – but she is still so annoying.

She is working hard to get Heidi to be the grand dame of Positivitea (where did they come up with this name?) which is a charity for women with HIV. “I can help the charity and make the rich people connect with the cause because I have been there. They don’t want a hand-out they want a hand up,” says LeeAnne.

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Stephanie arrives at Brandi‘s house with her 2 boys to pick up her brood for a long car ride to visit her family. Stephanie is from a small town called Coweta (pronounced Cow-wee-ta) in Oklahoma which is a 4 hour drive away. She pulls up in her giant Mercedes SUV and says “all luxury vehicles should come with muzzles, tranquilizers and a nanny.” Hmm.

LeeAnne now say, “Pets are the reason I got involved with charities. My dog made me grow up and be a mom.” Did she really just say that? Only women who have never had kids would say that. They are not the same. “I fell in love with helping and saving lives.” She is saying this to some flamboyant dude wearing a pink suit with a matching paisley shirt finished off with a pink top hat with a HUGE yellow flower. Oh Lawd! Things really are bigger in Texas. Meanwhile Tiffany keeps rolling her eyes at LeeAnne every time she says “It’s not about me!” So she’s rolling her eyes a LOT.

Stephanie finally arrives at her childhood home which is much friendlier than Dallas. “It’s so nice there and non-judgemental which is refreshing.” Then they make deviled eggs (does anyone else find this lame TV?) and the rest of the extended family comes over to (be on TV) eat. “Life is about family and memories and they are everything to me.” But Brandi thinks it’s time for Jesus Juice. “Ya’ll have Uber in Coewta?” Stephanie’s cousin replies, “No we have AAA and you just tell them you are too drunk to drive home.” OK, I have to admit that was funny. Stephanie goes to Lola’s Tanning and Liquor. I kid you not, it was a liquor store with a tanning bed. You have to love small towns!

The big dinner makes Brandi feel like she as in a Hallmark commercial. This is something Brandi did not have growing up. Her family was pulled apart and she felt awkward at this family scene. The photos of a young Stephanie come out. She says she was a very good girl and an overachiever. “I know I’m very lucky because I have worked for the things I have.” True that, girl.

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Now back in Dallas Tiffany attends yoga with Cary to get to know her better. Apparently yoga is Cary’s religion because she is a master! She can do every pose and then some! Then Tiffany and Cary stop for a post yoga juice. The the conversation of course turns to LeeAnne because on this show they always do. Cary says “She’s loud.” Tiffany defends her BFF and replies “Everyone knows her and adores her. You can’t discount what LeeAnne has done through her sheer hustle.” Cary thinks she overreacted about the poop hat (are we still talking about this???). “Can’t we all hang out outside of the charity world? Then I think we’d all get along. Cary says, “I’d like to get to know just you.”

Brandi is back home and speaks to her grandfather for the first time. The call ends in tears (it was a little sad). She offers to have them come visit.

Now a woman (who is not a prime time player in the cast) named Marie is having a happy hour Girlfriend Nite at some bar/restaurant. It’s actually the best I have seen these women dress frankly. OK, I did not care for LeeAnne’s floral dress and Brandi’s short black lace dress, but everyone else, including the bit players in the background, look pretty good. I’m just happy there is no charity function this week!

Tiffany immediately corners Stephanie to talk about LeeAnne and Stephanie (who has not even had a drink yet) and says “She’s on me like a 50% off sale at Penneys!” I’m not sure what that means exactly since I don’t really shop there, but I assume it’s like a 75% off designer sample sale in NYC?

Crass LeeAnne says she has “Made by God” stamped on her ass. Huh? There is only one man there and he is actually a child. His name was Taylor and he is there obviously to stir up some sh*t and does NOT like LeeAnne, yet her “friend” Marie invited him. See where this is going? “You have to walk on eggshells around LeeAnne. She’s a bully. She needs a therapist. She’s fake but she thinks it’s because she thinks everyone thinks she’s dumb.” Obviously Brandi now loves this boy and replies while Tiffany is standing there “She’s straight up a bitch!” Tiffany says “The elephant in the room is so big there is no oxygen left.” so she decides they need to address it. This is going to get ugly.

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LeeAnne is called over and says “I don’t have a malicious bone in my body.” Well everyone knows that is some serious bullsh*t and Brandi calls her out and says “you’re so full of shit.” LeeAnne throws her drink on the floor and storms out.

So far in order of fashion sense as of the fourth episode (and this is subject to change per episode):

1. LeeAnne

2. Stephanie

3. Cary

4. Tiffany

5. Brandi

Do you agree?

Until next week (if I can take it) drink up the Jesus Juice. Or was it Jesus Jugs? Whatever. Is anyone even watching this show?

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Photos: Bravotv.com

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