Every season there are at least a few trends I don’t particularly care for, but this spring/summer I am seeing a few I absolutely – for lack of a better word – hate. I notice women in them and I cringe, especially when I see them on those old enough to know better. Some of these offensive trends are ones that came to mind immediately while others our readers reminded me about. So without further ado here are some trends I despise.
Glammed-Up Birkenstocks
I went to a Dead Head high school and college and even back then I hated real Birkenstocks so you can only imagine what I think of this ridiculous trend. I don’t care if your double strapped copies are metallic or bedazzled or both. Like trying to dress up a pig, these are a total miss. The only people who get a pass are genuine hippies.
Cold Shoulder Tops
I can’t quite explain why I have a visceral reaction to these cold shoulder/exposed shoulder tops, but I do. In fact, they make me want to punch something I hate them so much (and I’m not normally a violent person, honestly). Especially when a bra strap is showing. I just don’t get the point. They look ridiculous. For the love of God, wear a tank top instead.
High Gladiator Sandals
Since these high gladiators only look good on 6′ tall models with no calf muscles to speak of, I am going to go out on a limb and say that leaves the remaining 99.8% of the female population screwed. These look just dreadful on us mere mortals. Stick to the lower cut gladiators we have been wearing for years. They are much more forgiving.
Extra Long Fringe Anything
Fringe has been a trend for a few seasons now, so it was only a matter of time until it went too far, over-the-top and got completely out of hand. Remember a little fringe goes a long way. If it’s dragging on the floor or you’re feeling like you robbed Stevie Nick’s wardrobe, you’ve gone too far. I predict next year it will be dragging 3 feet behind us like a bridal train. Mark my words.
Shredded Back Tees
What the hell is this mess? I thought perhaps this might just be a Long Island/Jersey thing, but I’m learning it’s not (they have been spotted in Chicago too). Even more frightening than that, I am seeing far too many women who are over 5o wearing these shredded back tees with bras exposed too! I’m talking about women who drive really expensive cars so I’m pretty sure it’s not a DIY project. That poses the question: Where are they buying them? Somewhere overpriced I’m sure and the salespeople telling them it “looks hot” should be burned at the stake. (Yes, I noticed the shorts. Don’t even get me started. Again).
Strapless Jumpsuits
I love a good jumpsuit as much as the next gal. In fact, I own several. Yet, you will never find me in a strapless one. Why? After the age of 35 and a few kids later, our boobs don’t need to be pulled down any further than they already are. If you are laughing thinking “problem solved, I have fake ones” you are also wrong. Your decollette isn’t taught enough to pull it off either. Leave this for the under 25 crowd.
Culottes
Actually culottes didn’t come immediately to my mind because I actually like them if they are a bit on the long side, a solid color like black and are worn correctly. But, so many readers obviously loathe them because most get styling them completely wrong. They are tricky and therefore, made the list. Leave these to the professionals when in doubt. For example the pair above is too short and looks hideous with these heeled sandals.
Tie Dye
Like many trends I think there is an age limit to tie dye…and it’s under 30. Again unless you are a Birkenstock-loving hippie. Wrinkled skin + tie dye = disaster. I’m witnessing far too many women who look like they wore tie dye in the the 70’s wearing it now and I don’t think that was the intent of the trend.
Did I miss any? Let me know.
– Lauren Dimet Waters
