Project Runway Season 9 Episode 1: Come As You Are. Memorable Quotes From Last Night's Episode

And we are finally back! Oh, how we have missed you, Project Runway. Please be sure to make up for that whole Gretchen/Mondo snafu, kthxbye. Twenty of the judges’ favorites have made their way back to New York to design their little hearts out. Wait… twenty? That’s right, 20. Four contestants are going home before they even started sewing! They are striving to start the drama early this year, aren’t they? We meet a flurry of new designers but don’t get attached just yet. We’ve got to find out who’s staying first. There are a lot of “I’m in it to win it’s and a couple of sob stories about testicular cancer and a contestant’s battle against alcoholism and the loss of his partner. Ugh. I can’t take the time if I feel for you and relate if you’ll be gone in the next 10 minutes. Little figure skater David, rockstar Gunnar, crybaby earth child Amanda, and the woman who postponed her wedding Serena leaves. Serena continues her exit while whining about how she postponed her wedding yet 10 minutes ago was blabbing how she can have her wedding anytime. Kind of glad we are not forced to hear about her upcoming nuptials all season. The following 16 move into the Atlas which Heidi can’t pronounce. Whether it was due to her German-ness or her champagne fueled diatribe, we cannot tell. Time to get acquainted! We got the edgy designer with blue hair, the Mormon designer ready to make a change, and the Barbie doll with something to prove. Is this Project Runway or The Real World? Ominous music plays and Tim Gunn announces to the gang at 5am that it’s a “Come as You Are” party… no bras allowed. But bring a sheet. Gunn walks them to the Parsons workroom and we get all the product placements. Still shilling HP, are we? Good job, Gunn… now just explain why he brought them at 5am in the morning. The clothing the designers are wearing and the sheet that they brought? You got it, make a garment out of it! Workroom time! Opinions and observations are made. Tim Gunn comes in and gives a smidgen of advice… nothing new. Randomly selected models are introduced. Of course, fit issues arise. Anya, the former beauty pageant contestant (with a sex tape to boot) who is apparently Bobby Fischer/wizard with a sewing machine, didn’t realize that she was that far behind on her sheet contraption. Can she pull it off?! Dun-dun-dunnnnnn! Next day… makeup time! Designers are scared. L’Oreal and Garnier are shilling and it kind of bores me. Please hurry, runway show. We eventually get to the runway show… after Heidi gives the complete rundown – L’Oreal, HP, Marie Claire and selling a line on Piperlime. Thanks. Let’s start the show. Models walk, smack is talked. Side note: Let’s cut all the jibber-jabber on the runway show. It looks tacky and it’s kind of disrespectful. Whoever started this, needs to end it. Guest judge Christina Ricci actually knows what she’s talking about! Project Runway has been getting better with this problem with getting judges who actually know fashion and not just what looks pretty that day **coughcoughJessicaSimpsoncough**.

Rafael, Josh and Julie don’t make the cut and are sent to the chopping block. Rafael had the nicely pleated Flintstone top with a pair of pants, Josh had a shirt that was obviously pieced together by scraps and a Holly Hobby sewing kit and Julie takes her juvenile cutesy print to a whole new level of crap while her ill-fitting pants annoy Nina.  None of the designs (nor the designers themselves, for that matter) were too surprised that they were in the bottom. The first winner of the season was 102 year old Bert! Even with Kors’ disdain for the Farrah Fawcett hair and non-existent styling, he pulled it out with gray dress that showed a panel of his red and white checkered boxers. Sadly, one contestant had to go. Rafael was kicked off due to the wacky top and awkward pants. Definitely not surprised. And now it’s down to 15. We’re just getting started, people!

Memorable Quotes: “How many blonds does it take to turn on an iron?” – Joshua “I love a girl who works out in a sequin tank top! And I’ll be working out in that purple satin suit!” – Michael Kors “Who says people from the Midwest don’t like color? You’re like, full Florida.” – Michael Kors “Hi, my name is Bert. I’m 102 years old and I’m from Los Angeles.” – Bert “Is my bronzer running?” – Joshua “Oh my god… Walking through Times Square with my PJs? Check!” – Viktor “As soon as I found out about the challenge, I knew right away I had to use the puking clown.. That’s like, totally my personality.” –  Faellen ” I mean, I don’t wanna sexualize everything … but look at the placement of those.” – Tim Gunn “She’s wearing like a Flintstone disco pouch.” – Michael Kors “The whole thing is just …. bad.” – Heidi Klum ” It might be a very ‘I like myself’ type of pocket!” – Michael Kors “You are in a competition of design and you are going to show me a pair of white shorts and a tank top?” – Nina Garcia Until next week! Be sure to check out our other favorite site dedicated to all things Project Runway…Blogging Project Runway! – Taneisha Jordan Photos: Liftetime