Finally it’s the finale of the Real Housewives of New York and my mom is hooked. She is still horrified, but slightly hooked. “These women are so pathetic.” I agree but explain there is little real about reality TV and that they are laughing all the way to the bank. Anyway, we miss the first 15 minutes because I didn’t know it was starting early and again, I don’t have a DVR…which is probably for the best. I’m winging it again. So I have to watch it a little out of order. Sorry in advance.
Back in Miami and LuMann looks like she is going to vomit after learning about Tom Cat‘s make-out session at The Regency. Bethenny has photographic evidence of Tom Cat with another woman from the previous Wednesday night. She has finally put a coverup on over her bikini and is crying. “I don’t want to be doing this right now.” Apparently the scuzball was making out with this woman for over an hour and then left her with the check! That’s classy with a capital C!
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Dorinda is gobsmacked it happened and why was Bethenny waiting until the end of the trip and involving all the other girls before telling LuMann? She has a very valid point. Besides, Dorinda believes there is no proof the pictures were just taken and could have been taken months ago, before Lu was even with this POS (piece of shit).
Meanwhile Bethenny is now in bed and completely undone. The news is all over town that Tom Cat is doing bad things all over NYC. Ramoaner feels for LuMann because she had to read about her husband cheating on Page Six and it’s no way to learn your husband is a cheating POS. What is the deal with Ramoaner’s hair? Is it sticking up or is that a roller? Bethenny is saying, “See? How could I go on that boat? Knowing what I knew? I need to start drinking alcohol.” She then chugs directly form a bottle of her Skinny Girl line (enjoy those chemicals) and my mother gasps. “She can’t find a glass?” I had to explain to my mother that she is drinking her own line of booze and there is no marketing opp if she doesn’t swill from the bottle. My mom is not getting reality TV.
Dorinda tells LuMann to send the pictures to Tom and ask him to explain himself. Jules agrees. “Are the pictures time stamped?” This is not what Bethenny wanted (yeah right). She is more shattered than she thought she would be. Bethenny did some sleuthing and assures the photos were from the last Wednesday evening. She claims she did some CSI to be sure and confirm. The manager at The Regency confirmed to Bethenny (she pretended she was the woman Tom was making out with – my mom is disgusted) it was Tom at the front of the bar. Bethenny had the info backed up. “I am trying not to believe this. That’s why I asked you (LuMann) those questions.” LuMann says, “He was wasted, he had to be.” Um, honey…that’s still no excuse. “I do love him, but I can not put up with this.” Then LuMann says incredibly, “‘I’m not going to let a kiss ruin my marriage, that’s for sure!” I would have flushed that yellow diamond by now. What excuse could Tom Cat have that’s possibly good enough? This guy is bad news. How desperate is LuMann?
LuMann is finally on the phone with Tom Cat, “How could you do this to me? It started at 10:45 and ended at 11:35! How can you not remember? I left and you went out? You were making out for an hour at The Regency in front of everyone we know? I am supposed to marry you? How am supposed to believe this won’t happen again? I can’t do this right now.” She hangs up. So LuMann fell asleep and Tom Cat snuck out? “I knew it was too good to be true.” says LuMann. Yeah, a whirlwind romance usually is.
Meanwhile my mom says,”They should mind their own business. Bethenny was wrong to get involved.” Of course my mom is correct but she is new to this reality TV shiz and doesn’t get how reality TV works. We really are going to hell in a hand basket as a human race. Bravo is taking us down the primrose path.
How could Tom Cat screw up like that? The girls are all so horrified. Jules has said she has spent 10 years with her little marshmallow and look how that ended up? LuMann is even horrified. Bethenny says “I have heard you have more (money) than him.” Now they are all thinking (we now know) that he is after super rich women. This is looking bad. Ramoaner says “She wanted to believe this was really it.”
LuMann says, “I’m glad you told me” to Bethenny “I really appreciate it.” She is in total shock and is really embarrassed. But as Bethenny always says and says again tonight, “You should never accept less than what you deserve.” LuMann leaves to pack her bags. She has to get back to NYC ASAP.
Later that day, LuMann shows up in NYC to snow and checks into a hotel because she needs to think. She needs to make a conscious decision about what to do with Tom Cat. She calls Jules and tells her she is sick to her stomach. “He has obviously screwed up.” Is she really going to let him off that easy? Is she really that desperate to be married? The answer is becoming painfully clear. Mom is in full disbelief now.
It’s now three days later and Ramoaner goes to visit a sick Dorinda. Ramaoner still brings her own Ramona Pinot Grigio and my mother says in disbelief, “They are drinking?” Dorinda says LuMann keeps saying, “But I love Tom. Lu doesn’t want to deal with problems or pay attention to the warning signs and chooses to ignore it.”
Now we are at Bethenny’s apartment who who is serving beautiful sushi to Carole. Bethenny is in a bad mood. LuMann is has not called Bethenny back and she now knows it’s a game of shoot the messenger. Bethenny is a dead woman walking. She says all LuMann seems to care about is appearances. “Who cares if it’s The Regency where it’s people we know? She is more embarrassed and focusing on appearances more than being hurt.” This makes no sense to Bethenny and is the wrong reaction in her opinion. Well the opinion of anyone who draws breath EXCEPT for LuMann.
Back to Dorinda and Ramoaner. Apparently LuMann was at The Regency with Tom Cat who gets on the phone with Dorinda and says he is going to make it right. He wants Dorinda to lie for him, well them. What is the deal? “What kind of a man does that?”says Ramona. Tom Cat told Dorinda she can’t be friends with LuMann and can’t come to the wedding if she doesn’t lie for them. WTF? Dorinda says, “Here’s the problem Tom, you can bring the whole Regency over but here is the smoking gun, the pictures! He wants an assist from Dorinda and now she sees this scum bag for what he truly is. LuMann and Tom Cat literally want Dorinda to lie that it wasn’t Tom. OMG. Lu says to Dorinda, “We talked about his stupid kiss. It meant nothing.” LuMann you dumb cow, he was making out with her for over an hour! They decided to work through it because they love each other. “Who doesn’t make mistakes?” says LuMann. Is she that delusional? I have lost the last modicum of respect I had for LuMann. She should have done the right thing and kicked Tom Cat back to his alley.
Bethenny is throwing her Mexican theme party now. She wants to have fun, but they have all been through a lot and she knows something is going to happen. The guests start to arrive. Finally Adam cut his hair! It’s a hit! Thank God there is no more man bun. “Bethenny is too old for that green dress,” says my mom! She’s right.
Bethenny says, “It’s a motley crew and Carole and Adam are the happy couple.” Go figure. Cheater Michael gets to escort two women to the event – LuMann and his soon to be ex wife Jules. Of course Bethenny is not surprised to hear LuMann is back on Cloud 9 with Tom Cat because, “She doesn’t have a lot of self-respect.” My mom interrupts, “Are they now in Mexico?” Shut up mom!
Sonja shows up with Rocco! She thinks he is boyfriend material, her boyfriend? She’s not so sure. Sonja has not seen LuMann since Miami because, “Lu is back with Tom and is embarrassed.” Dorinda is arriving with her gross, sweaty boyfriend John. Apparent Bethenny and John have come to a truce. Dorinda actually looks pretty good for once in a black fringe outfit.
Bethenny starts to explain to most of the girls that the pinata is filled with some valuable jewelry (which is sponsored I’m sure). LuMann walks up and says “If you don’t stop talking about me I am leaving!” My mom yells, “They were not even talking about her! They were talking about jewelry!” I agree, that LuMann is some narcissistic bitch! They were talking about what really matters, jewelry. LuMann screams about Tom and again makes an ass of herself. Bethenny says, “Nobody gives a shit about your shitty man right now we are digging for gold.”
So apparently LuMann and Tom Cat have decided to go to therapy. Wait. Strike that. Tom Cat has no money so Ramoner says, “Now Lu and Tom are doing their own therapy together? With what? Alcohol at The Regency?” Mom laughed out loud at that one. Ramoaner goes on to say, “I feel she doesn’t don’t know him that well. Why would she want to succumb to this relationship? I would rather be alone by myself than with someone like this.” She is so right. I completely agree with that statement.
Jules says, “We come out strong always at the end.” It’s soon her 8th anniversary and she wonders what Mini Michael will get her. My guess is divorce papers. Ding, ding, ding!
Dorinda is now on eggshells with LuMann and is hoping she gets an apology from Tom (which I would not bank on) and Bethenny and hopes she gets jewelry. I wouldn’t bank on that either unless Bethenny buys it for herself which she does seem to do at record pace.
Now Bethenny approaches Jules about their argument at that dinner (“What dinner?” says mom. There is no time to explain!). Jules looks great but hot in her cream fur vest! “What Dorinda said you said hurt my feelings,” says Jules. Now Bethenny calls over Dorinda to have her explain exactly what she said to Jules to stir the pot. Mom is completely confused and I have to remind her I can’t talk now.
Dorinda is being called out on her shit stirring.” I love you Dorinda but you are a bit of a shit stirrer. I’m allowed to have my own opinion about things!” says Bethenny. Dorinda laughs it off. Jules must be hot in that fur vest, but makes up with Bethenny, but she still does not trust her.
“These dresses these women have on. They are too old to wear these things,” says my mother! She is right. There is a little too much 40 and 50 year-old cleavage and belly. With the exception of Jules who is in her 30’s.
Now the girls play in the photo booth. Tonight we are all having fun! But what about LuMann and Tom Cat? On a side note Sonja tried to eat a leaf. I digress. It’s hard not to love Sonja.
Bethenny says, “I heard you are mad at me Lu. I feel sad for you.” LuMann says, ” I love Tom and what happened at The Regency means nothing to me.”Bethenny says, “I can tell by his actions a week and a half into your engagement. If I see him f*ck someone in the street I will not tell you.” LuMann says, “My choice is to work things out. He is allowed to make a mistake. I just want to be with Tom and be in my bubble.” Well that pretty much says it all doesn’t it? Wait until that bubble bursts!
Time for the pinata! Is has some fine jewelry (that’s not that fine), costume jewelry and some candy. Sonja got the good stuff. “Tom should have been the piñata.” says Carole.
The end of season credits say:
Sonja is still dating Rocco. For now.
Jules is getting divorced. Der, we all knew THAT!
Dorinda got a piece of good jewelry. It was a martini glass. How perfect. But she’s also still with gross, sweaty John. So that’s her booby prize.
Carole and Adam are still together but their cookbook is not.
Ramona lost a shoe but she is eligible. Watch out young men of the UES. Cougar Ramona with no game is out for you.
LuMann has decided what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…and she loves living in her bubble of cheating, lies and deceit. Hope she gets an iron clad pre-nup.
Bethenny, makes no mention of her boyfriend whatsoever. She has one you know. His name is Dennis. Google it.
The girls toast, “We have men who cheat and steal from us but here is to the empowerment!” Yikes. Oh this reunion is going to be unreal.
So far in order of fashion sense as of the 20th and FINAL episode:
2. Dorinda (I liked her final look for once)
Do you agree?
Until the reunion part 1 of 3…raise your class of Pinot Grigio, Skinny Girl, Tipsy Girl, Modern Alkeme, Fandango shot or dirty martini! “These, these are my friends.”