The bad news is I hated this challenge (Carol and I texted each other throughout that we agreed on this point). It was the WORST challenge in the history of Project Runway. The good news is that there were a lot of memorable quotes. In a nutshell, I don’t find lingerie fashion and Heidi Klum once again used the show to get someone else to design for one of her stupid clothing lines (remember the children’s wear and athletic wear challenges from previous seasons?). Heidi is not a designer. She has others design the items with her name on them so I don’t find this to be fair nor interesting. Especially lingerie. At my age lingerie is something I wear to make my clothes look better, not something I particularly want to show off. It’s not to say I don’t want something sexy, but fashion is really the last thing I think of because exposed underwear at this stage in my life is inexcusable. Thanks for allowing me to vent.
So the boring challenge? The remaining designers have one day to design a lingerie set “inspired” by the Heidi Klum Intimates Collection. Barf. The lucky winner gets their winning look basically stolen and mass produced as part of her collection. Yippee! The designers are given the materials and basic infrastructures of a bra…because let’s be honest, few have ever touched a boob. Case in point: Blake. Later in the challenge the designers are told they also have to produce a cover up, but are given more time.
Not surprisingly most of the designers are clueless and when Heidi comes through for the critique she is ruthless. She even calls my Edmond “Captain Tacky.” The nerve! I would have told her to shove it up her thong. But that’s me. God I hate this challenge. Can you tell? Anywho, Blake the Princess (“Princess Blakey” as Heidi calls him) knows zero, nada, nil about the female anatomy. As in he has no idea where the vagina is.
The only designer making anything remotely interesting is Swapnil who uses Madonna as his inspiration. It’s not necessarily a look that can be mass produced as the nude and cream bra has criss-cross straps everywhere, but it is fashion. Candice of course is going for something dark and bondage-inspired with an all black ensemble with garters. Heidi should love that. Ashley has a bit of a hard time designing something that’s sexy, but wearable because she thinks of plus size women (which you would think was an advantage). Yet, in the end she makes one of my favorites with a full-coverage lace bra and Brazilian panties.
I find Merline’s look interesting but only for a woman with no boobs. Her look is architectural, but she decides to build her own bra which is risky. Blake is totally lost and requires help, but there is no helping this poor lost soul. Jake’s model just gets dumped and she tells him she doesn’t want to walk the runway in anything too revealing so he stupidly lets her discomfort affect his work. Not a smart move. He makes an uninspired polka dot bra and panty set. Oh forget it, this whole challenge is uninspiring.
Then there is a stupid designer sleepover on the runway (I’d be pissed) and Tim comes in (looking like a Grandpa) in his pajamas and robe to tell them one of the funniest things I’ve heard all season “remember to use the Just Fab accessories wall thoughtfully.” This is a lingerie challenge, what accessories could the designers possibly need? Does just Fab make whips?
Off to the runway. Our judges this week are as usual, Zac Posen, Nina Garcia, Heidi and guest judge actress Bella Thorne (who proves to be outspoken – she obviously knows lingerie). Tim Gunn is there because we love him and he gets his Tim Gunn save.
The Top Three:
Swapnil: This was no surprise. His ivory and nude bra with several crisscrossed straps across the chest and a few straps and subtle underwear are a hit with the judges. Even his cover-up is a beautiful Grecian inspired floor-length complimentary piece. Madonna would so wear this. The look terrifies Nina but of course Heidi is all over it. It’s not something that can be easily mass produced, but it’s original and magnificent.
Ashley: I just knew she’s land in the top. Her grey and lavender lace bra and underwear (which incidentally match her hair) is wearable and pretty. She managed to make her plus size knowledge work for the masses seamlessly. The lace band under the bra impresses the judges. Her matching grey robe is impeccably constructed which is also noted by the judges.
Merline: Not only am I surprised Merline is in the top, I’m even more shocked she wins! Are the judges high? Her supportive architectural black, strappy, lacey bra and boyshort underwear set, she claims was inspired by a v-neck top. Her matching black satin robe that ties with a lace belt is nothing special. Yes, it’s sexy, but seriously? Nina goes batshit over it and says “you can even wear it under something shear!” Honey, really? You are pushing 50, seriously? Argh.
The Bottom Three:
Laurie: Her’s wasn’t the greatest look, but her magenta and plum knotted bra was not that bad. Yes, the high-waisted underwear that would have popped out over a pencil skirt were a bit scary in an 80’s sort of way, but there were other looks I disliked more.
Jake: As expected his model was his undoing. His black and white polka dot bra with lace scalloping detail and cutaway straps was actually not bad, but the two small straps he added to secure the bra gave the model muffin back. The cut into her and if yo can make a model look fat, that’s a problem. No woman wants her underwear to add lumps! He had the same problem with the underwear. He managed to make this recently dumped model probably want to drop to the floor in a puddle of tears. His complete undoing was that he made a sarong out of his cover up material because he claims he ran out of time. Really?
Blake: The judges jaws collectively dropped when he calls his look “sporty meets French.” Er, what? His bra and panty combo is a complete disaster. Let’s start with the bright pink bra. He used underwire and then just loose material that make his model’s boobs look worse than saggy, but deformed. A mesmerizing horror show. To add insult to injury he also creates an 80’s or Baywatch Babe inspired high-waisted panty which we all now know the judges HATE. Once Blake realizes the judges are not digging his look he actually tired to defend his look and says, “My girls usually don’t wear a bra.” That really pissed Zac Posen off. I thought he was going to send him home right then and there! Really Blakey, real women have boobs and if you ever have dreams of hitting it big, you had better recognize that fact. The sarong he threw on his model signaled he had given up and he is rightfully sent packing.
For a split second I think Tim Gunn might use his Tim Gunn save, but thankfully he does not.
Oh and incidentally, next week’s challenge looks promising. An unconventional challenge using outdated technology. Now I can’t wait. Or is Heidi launching yet another line called “Heidi Klum’s Bits and Bytes?”
“Next to leather I love lingerie” – Candice
“The closest I’ve come (to lingerie) is wither taking them off someone else or putting them on myself.” – Jake
“You look stymied Blake.” – Tim Gunn
“Yeah, I don’t usually wear underwear so this is new to me.” – Blakey
(Look of shock) “There’s a little TMI!“- Tim Gunn
“A garter strap on… That sounds terrible! Don’t use it!” – Candice
“Half of my hand is completely numb.” – Lindsay
“Help me to make a bra & panties.” – Lindsay
“I just have to pretend she’s just like a normal person.” – Kelly
“Should I call you Caption Tacky?” – Heidi
“Where is the punch line?” – Edmond
“Don’t let me use the “M” word again.” – Heidi
“If your model’s only missing a whip it’s gone too far.” – Tim
“You have 3 swatches?… in five hours?” – Heidi
“I don’t know what happens under there.” – Blake
“You’re making a pesto sauce without enough basil.” – Tim
“Oh Lord, we’re at a slumber party.” – Laurie
“Gimmie my jammies and slippers and I’m totally rocking this.” – Candice
“Those are gonna be like Bay Watch” – Kelly
“I don’t know if I get this vibe in the room … of this 1980s high waist panty.” – Joseph
“Remember to use the Just Fab accessories wall thoughtfully.” -Tim
“I don’t have a coverup. So I cut some fabric and say ‘Here’s your coverup!'” – Blake
“The back is so bare. I wish her hair was longer to cover it.” – Blake
“It looks like a granny pant in the front with a thong in the back.” – Nina
“The straps are certainly muffin top.” – Nina
‘That is a very good looking badonka-donk,” – Heidi
“Yummy. Me Likey.” – Zac
“This is from another decade.” – Nina
“It just sucks that now they’re going to be sad & depressed without me.” – Blake
Be sure to check out our other favorite site dedicated to all things Project Runway…Blogging Project Runway!
– Lauren Dimet Waters