He Said/She Said Returns for Red Carpet 2015
It has been almost a year since Lauren and Joseph brought you their particularly amusing brand of Red Carpet commentary on the Best – and Worst – of the Hollywood awards season. This year, we bring you our very first truly “bicoastal” report on Red Carpet fashion. Joseph moved to LA in the spring of 2014. Has he settled into West Coast life with its “winter flip flops” and “relaxed” fashion rules? Has motherhood softened our acerbic Lauren’s witty take on fashion faux pas? The answers to these and many other questions follow in our series on the Golden Globes 2015 red carpet.
Let’s begin with our Hosts, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler in Antonio Berardi and Stella McCartney, respectively.
JOSEPH: Funny ladies in funny dresses! Actually, the cobalt is pretty and the silhouette is flattering, but I just don’t get the puddle of fabric. Is that supposed to be a train? I just want to take pinking shears or a hedge trimmer to it. I’ll give her kudos though for the working pockets and bracelet sleeves. As for Tina, the problem with this dress is that it combines ALL of my favorite elements into one disastrous carnival ride. Galaxy beading, trompe l’oeil color blocking, and technically impressive construction in the skirt. Any one of these things I would praise, together I declare it a “fashion teardown”.
LAUREN: I actually agree completely. Tina’s dress has way too much going on. It’s giving me a headache. I should like the shape of the skirt. In theory. However I don’t. Amy’s dress is boring. I mean everything, but the color. I am surprised this is Stella McCartney.
And the Winner Is…
The winners of the Golden Globes have been announced, but were they all winners in the Red Carpet Fashion Stakes?
Amy Adams – in Versace – won Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy/Musical for her role in Big Eyes.
JOSEPH: Brilliant! By far, the best Versace of the evening. There were many on the red carpet this season, but this wins hands down. The color, the proportion of the train, the fit of the bodice – everything is perfect on her. More on those Versace clad also-rans later….
LAUREN: Well this is boring. I agree with you completely again. I am not a fan of Versace myself, but this was the best of the lot. It was a mostly scary lot.
Patricia Arquette – in Escada – won Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture for her role in Boyhood.
JOSEPH: Terrible – like she got caught up in a black parachute. I don’t know what I hate more – the lap wrinkles or the awkward break in the skirt of the gown. If Amy Adams is how to wear one shoulder, then this is definitely how NOT to wear it. The horizontal line of the bodice makes her look like a linebacker.
LAUREN: Joesph, come on. When has Patricia Arquette ever dressed well? I mean, congrats on the award, but in my opinion she delivered exactly what I expected. Something ill-fitting and unflattering.
Maggie Gyllenhall – in Miu Miu – won Best Performance by an Actress in MiniSeries/Motion Picture for TV for her role in The Honorable Woman.
JOSEPH: I do like this color on her, but it’s time to grow up – fashion-wise, that is. This would look great on a tween actress at the MTV awards, but this is the Hollywood Foreign Press. The fashion stakes are higher here. I’m sure we will see this copied at all the junior proms come spring and on a lot of long-suffering bridesmaids come June. There is no honor in this dress…
LAUREN: This is 100% bridesmaid. The color, the cut. The bodice does nothing for her figure and she looks uncomfortable. You can also see the hem line which makes me crazy. Oh and I hate the color. Wait, this is Miu Miu? They have a bridal line?
Gina Rodriguez – in Badgeley Mishka – won Best Performance by an Actress in a TV Series Comedy/Musical for her role in Jane the Virgin.
JOSEPH: She would have done better in Maggie’s Miu Miu. Maybe she can borrow it for her next try. You know how I feel about the whole peekaboo hi-lo thing… I’m sure Lauren thinks I should cut her some slack it being her first time, but really? How can I?
LAUREN: No slack needed here. Go at it my friend. It’s hard to screw up a black dress. Or so I thought until I saw this.
Haute or Not?
A number of actresses raided the runways of the Haute Couture for their Red Carpet looks. Were they hot – or not?
WINNER Julianne Moore – in Givenchy Couture – received her award for Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture Drama for her role in Still Alice
JOSEPH: It’s no secret that I live for the Haute Couture. I’ll try to temper my enthusiasm for the art form with objectivity…. OK – I just can’t! A lot of the actresses claimed to be wearing French fashion as a show of solidarity with the Je Suis Charlie movement, but, c’mon, pret-a-porter is one thing, Haute Couture is entirely another stratosphere of fashion!!! What American designer could even imagine ombre ostrich feathers – individually sewn? Let alone gain access to the few dozen seamstresses in the world trained in the hard work required? OK – well maybe the late Oscar de la Renta, but, honestly, this dress is from another fashion planet. Beyond – just beyond! By far, one of my Best Dressed of the evening.
LAUREN: Seriously Joseph…this is going to bore everyone, but I totes agree. This gown literally took my breath away. I’m not crazy about her hair and makeup, but I was really focused on the dress so who cares? Thank you Julianne Moore for breathing some life into this red carpet!
Nominee Felicity Jones in Dior Couture
JOSEPH: What? Is it my turn? I think I lost consciousness for a moment. I must have hyperventilated. She is my Best Dressed of the entire night. The sublime color, the exquisite proportions, the technical mastery required to execute this deceptively simple design. This is everything I adore about the Haute Couture, in general, and Dior, in particular. PERFECTION!
LAUREN: Finally! One we don’t agree on. I knew instantly this was Dior and while I adore the cut and color of this dress, it’s the neckline that doesn’t do it for me and the way it puckers at her chest. Julianne Moore still beats this. Sorry.
Nominee Keira Knightley in Chanel Couture
JOSEPH: I must admit my first glimpse had me thinking “clown collar” but then I remembered that she is “enceinte.” AND, I hadn’t seen how wonderfully balanced the collar is with the hem of the skirt. The dress is beautiful; the feathers and butterflies are breathtaking. This is what the Empress Eugenie would have worn before her “confinement.” It may be of another age, but I would like to see more women dress like this today. Alright, Lauren, go ahead and let me have it…
LAUREN: Are you F***KING kidding me (that was “freaking” BTW)? This gown if absolutely horrid. It’s Chanel? Then again if you have walked by a Chanel store window recently, this dress should not shock anyone. Kaiser Karl has lost his damn mind. And the butterfly wrist corsage? Really? REALLY? Oh, but congrats on the pregnancy!
BRIT INVASION:
With all the talk about Brit actors nominated for playing Americans, only two took the gold, two were “also rans”, and one returned to present.
WINNER Joanne Froggat – in vintage Galanos – received her award for Best Performance by a Supporting Actress in a TV Series Drama for her role in Downton Abbey.
JOSEPH: Vintage Galanos! The very best of my formative fashion years – the 80s. AND the favorite designer of my favorite First Lady – Mrs. Reagan. Finding this dress must have been like finding that the glass slipper fit. At 5’2” – and without a French fragrance ad deal (yet) – her red carpet borrowing options are limited. Vintage was definitely the way to go – and what a find! The scale of the embroidery and beading to her frame are flawless! And the train is the perfect way to thumb her nose at the upstairs downstairs fashion tyranny. She definitely doesn’t look like a lady’s maid tonight!
LAUREN: I love Anna Bates and I am crazy about this gown! How refreshing to see her in something so splendid. She never gets to wear anything pretty or even a touch of lipstick for that matter on Downton Abbey so who would have thought she (or her stylist) could pull this off? I love vintage done right. Look and learn.
WINNER Ruth Wilson – in Prada – received her award for Best Performance by an Actress in a TV Series Drama for her role in The Affair.
JOSEPH: Are you insane? It’s MARVELOUS! I love it. We have come to expect this sort of dress on Tilda Swinton or even on Cate Blanchett. I’m so glad she chose to showcase something other than Hollywood bombshell. This is everything I love about Prada. The geometric illusion silhouette is so conceptual and the color is genius. Let the Haters hate…
LAUREN: I’m a Hater…let me hate.
Nominee Emily Blunt in Michael Kors
JOSEPH: If the Devil Wears Prada, then send me to hell. I’d rather burn and see good fashion than look at this. Why? Just Why?
LAUREN: Michael Kors is on autopilot. He dialed this one in and I wish she had hung up. It’s not the worst of the evening, but it ain’t great. And for the love of God, must we see everyone’s mid-section? Please make it stop.
Nominee Rosamund Pike in Vera Wang
JOSEPH: Wow – Is Vera going after the stripper wedding market in Vegas? Forget looking good coming and going – the side view is the worst. I just want to poke pencils in my eyes to make it stop.
LAUREN: Joseph, I actually laughed out loud at your comment. I agree that stabbing pencils in one’s eyes could be the solution, but how does one rid themselves of the image burned in their brain? The side view is the WORST! Oh Vera…no. Just no. Straight on is just as horrifying.
Presenter Kate Beckinsale in Elie Saab
JOSEPH: Yes, please, thank you. This is how a presenter should dress – beautifully! Simple, elegant – a dress that will float across the stage. A neutral, yet utterly flattering color. She looks great.
LAUREN: This gown is obviously Elie Saab and it’s perfect for the task at hand. It’s very predictably Kate Beckinsale. She doesn’t deviate much from form, but why should she? She is gorgeous, ageless and knows what works on her.
– Joseph Ungoco & Lauren Dimet Waters
Read Part 2: He Said/She Said: The Best and Worst Dressed Of The Golden Globes
Photos: Just Jared
