In this episode Lauren and Joan discuss the lengths they would go to in the pursuit of looking younger.
I can’t believe we had to endure 20 episodes of this season of the Real Housewives Of New York City and then have to suffer through a 3 part (which means 3 weeks) reunion. I’m toast. Therefore since what I really care about is the fashion, I may just recap this one episode only since the women will presumably be wearing the same outfits all of the reunion. Besides, I don’t think I can take any more of the LuMann/Tom Cat debacle. It makes me very sad for women. She should not be THAT desperate to get married. I would rather be alone than be with man who would make out with another woman at a bar for over an hour a week after our engagement. Besides, at his age, it’s just icky
Finally it’s the finale of the Real Housewives of New York and my mom is hooked. She is still horrified, but slightly hooked. “These women are so pathetic.” I agree but explain there is little real about reality TV and that they are laughing all the way to the bank. Anyway, we miss the first 15 minutes because I didn’t know it was starting early and again, I don’t have a DVR…which is probably for the best. I’m winging it again. So I have to watch it a little out of order. Sorry in advance
So, um, here’s the deal. I’m on vacation this week (and next) and don’t have access to a DVR (which helps me get the quotes in my lengthy Real Housewives Of New York City recaps). Therefore we are going to try something new. I am going to wing it! I am watching the show in real time and just pray I can keep up! This may or may not work, especially since my mother is sitting next to me and I expect her to say, “What’s going on? What did she say? What’s wrong with these people? You watch this crap?” She just asked me to turn up the volume. I’m screwed
I have come to two, well three conclusions. 1) Dorinda is the shit stirrer of all shit stirrers. 2) Tom is a man whore and is marrying LuMann for reality fame (he has money, but not fame). 3) This marriage will happen because LuMann wants to be married more than anything, but it will end badly. As in Bethenny and Jason badly. Anyway, this week’s much anticipated episode of the Real Housewives of New York, starts off where we left of last week – getting ready for the engagement yacht party in Palm Beach
On this week’s Real Housewives Of New York there is a Tom for all the housewives! ‘You get a Tom, and you get a Tom, and you get a Tom!’ I think Oprah is giving them away. This show should now be called Desperate Housewives, since LuMann is clearly desperate to get married to anyone and especially someone who is breathing, rich and gives her a “murky” huge yellow diamond
So when does this show wrap up? Because I’m starting to grow bored of it. This week of The Real Housewives of New York begins where we left off last week…on the party bus headed to Mohegan Sun for a night of gambling and debauchery. Or so we had hoped. They walk into the hotel a little drunk and enter the “Royal Suite” which has enough bedrooms for everyone. Of course Ramoaner takes the best room for herself since she’s the “hostess” and Bethenny and Carole room together because that’s what they do.
Watching this season of The Real Housewives of New York, I have come to two conclusions. One, Sonja Morgan is a whore. Two, LuMann is a bigger whore. If she did in fact climb on top of her future husband while he was on a date with his girlfriend of three months (holding hands no less) and left with him that evening (did he just leave his date at the bar?) then that is horrible and so NOT very Countess-like. In fact, I dare to say it is very “See You Next Tuesday-like.” If you are one of those suckers who bought her book “Class with the Countess: How to Live with Elegance and Flair” I’d either demand your money back or light it on fire. Those two obviously deserve each other. How disgusting.
It’s winter in NYC, at least on the Real Housewives of New York! Bethenny walks into work where Kristopher, her makeup artist, reveals he just had his fat frozen. I may have to try that. Bethenny says “You’re like the future Janice Dickenson.” Bethenny’s surgery is just 3 days away and while she is having anxiety about it, she’s keeping busy launching a new line of Skinny Girl chocolates, which is her last obligation prior to surgery. The other girls have been really supportive, most surprisingly Ramoaner. “She’s been unbelievable, who would ever think?” Apparently Ramoaner has been popping over with flowers and books to read so she can keep Bethenny company. It’s not like she has anything better to do.
After last week, I’m not really looking forward to this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York. I’m afraid we will have to suffer through a cat Bat Mitzvah or something equally insulting. This episode starts when Jules walks into a restaurant called “Wild” and asks for a pillow for her cooch. Then Dorinda enters (wearing a hideous dog t-shirt) and asks how her vagina is. “All we need is a venereal disease, a DNC and a pregnancy and we’ve covered the whole vagina topic. There’s a lot of vagina problems going on,” says an uncomfortable Dorinda.
Well it’s official, the season that showed so much promise officially jumped the shark! This episode of The Real Housewives of New York was shockingly not only boring, but just plain bad. Two things become crystal clear while watching. One, you don’t need a husband to be RHONY, but you do need a dog. Two, the season was going to culminate around an assuredly toxic and drunken trip to Mexico (at least that was what Bravo banked on), but then the hostess of the trip discovered she had fibroid tumors and needed surgery and could not longer travel. Trip cancelled. Drama over.
We start this week with a sad news flash! Jules’ mini-husband just filed for divorce. So now there are no actually married housewives on the Real Housewives of New York. Well LuMann is engaged after a whirlwind romance so that brings some glimmer of hope I suppose. We begin this episode three weeks after the holiday party and Sonja is looking for new interns to abuse with Alex (that I swear at first glance was a girl). LuMann pops over (in a pink cardigan sweater) to quiz Sonja (wearing a scarf draped over a sweater) about why she hasn’t spoken to Bethenny yet. LuMann is trying to tell Sonja she should value her friendship over her Tipsy Girl brand.
I love a short week! Then the Real Housewives of New York comes on sooner. That makes sense right? I’m watching too much reality TV, obviously. It’s making me dumb (so my husband says). Anyway, this week’s episode opens back at Dorinda’s house in the Berkshires (in case you forgot LuMann and Bethenny were going at it over Skinny Girl). Now stay alert because this week’s episode is like watching a game of ping pong.
The Real Housewives of New York City is the gift that keeps on giving. This week’s episode opens with Dorinda and Jules shopping at the Jonathan Adler store presumably on Madison Ave on the Upper East Side. Dorinda admits she got her secret Santa, Bethenny, a vibrating thigh master. Jules has Ramoaner so obviously the events of the last evening (the scene at the designer party) come up. Jules left to protect her face (?) as she hates loud voices and confrontation. When they see each other tonight, Dorinda’s plan is to just stay away from Ramoner. She has written her off. “Maybe Ramoaner just wants to sleep with John.” (I spit my drink out on that one). NOBODY. WANTS. TO. SLEEP. WITH. JOHN!
We open this week of The Real Housewives of New York City at Gray Gardens otherwise (I learned this week) referred to as “Chateau (Lady) Morgan.” LuMann is moving in to her own suite on the 5th floor. She has her house in the Hamptons, gave up her West Side apartment and needs to devote all her time to finding the man she is confident she will soon meet. She shows up wearing a Santa coat and Sonja greets her in a fur trimmed jacket. In her house. Apparently she doesn’t turn on the heat. Get the Grey Gardens reference yet? LuMann says, “she’s (Sonja) rudderless without her daughter around. I’m like the man in the relationship with Sonja (you got that LuMann). Without me around I think she’s more stable.” Honey with you she’s unstable!