I have come to two, well three conclusions. 1) Dorinda is the shit stirrer of all shit stirrers. 2) Tom is a man whore and is marrying LuMann for reality fame (he has money, but not fame). 3) This marriage will happen because LuMann wants to be married more than anything, but it will end badly. As in Bethenny and Jason badly. Anyway, this week’s much anticipated episode of the Real Housewives of New York, starts off where we left of last week – getting ready for the engagement yacht party in Palm Beach
On this week’s Real Housewives Of New York there is a Tom for all the housewives! ‘You get a Tom, and you get a Tom, and you get a Tom!’ I think Oprah is giving them away. This show should now be called Desperate Housewives, since LuMann is clearly desperate to get married to anyone and especially someone who is breathing, rich and gives her a “murky” huge yellow diamond
So when does this show wrap up? Because I’m starting to grow bored of it. This week of The Real Housewives of New York begins where we left off last week…on the party bus headed to Mohegan Sun for a night of gambling and debauchery. Or so we had hoped. They walk into the hotel a little drunk and enter the “Royal Suite” which has enough bedrooms for everyone. Of course Ramoaner takes the best room for herself since she’s the “hostess” and Bethenny and Carole room together because that’s what they do.
Watching this season of The Real Housewives of New York, I have come to two conclusions. One, Sonja Morgan is a whore. Two, LuMann is a bigger whore. If she did in fact climb on top of her future husband while he was on a date with his girlfriend of three months (holding hands no less) and left with him that evening (did he just leave his date at the bar?) then that is horrible and so NOT very Countess-like. In fact, I dare to say it is very “See You Next Tuesday-like.” If you are one of those suckers who bought her book “Class with the Countess: How to Live with Elegance and Flair” I’d either demand your money back or light it on fire. Those two obviously deserve each other. How disgusting.
It’s winter in NYC, at least on the Real Housewives of New York! Bethenny walks into work where Kristopher, her makeup artist, reveals he just had his fat frozen. I may have to try that. Bethenny says “You’re like the future Janice Dickenson.” Bethenny’s surgery is just 3 days away and while she is having anxiety about it, she’s keeping busy launching a new line of Skinny Girl chocolates, which is her last obligation prior to surgery. The other girls have been really supportive, most surprisingly Ramoaner. “She’s been unbelievable, who would ever think?” Apparently Ramoaner has been popping over with flowers and books to read so she can keep Bethenny company. It’s not like she has anything better to do.
After last week, I’m not really looking forward to this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York. I’m afraid we will have to suffer through a cat Bat Mitzvah or something equally insulting. This episode starts when Jules walks into a restaurant called “Wild” and asks for a pillow for her cooch. Then Dorinda enters (wearing a hideous dog t-shirt) and asks how her vagina is. “All we need is a venereal disease, a DNC and a pregnancy and we’ve covered the whole vagina topic. There’s a lot of vagina problems going on,” says an uncomfortable Dorinda.
Well it’s official, the season that showed so much promise officially jumped the shark! This episode of The Real Housewives of New York was shockingly not only boring, but just plain bad. Two things become crystal clear while watching. One, you don’t need a husband to be RHONY, but you do need a dog. Two, the season was going to culminate around an assuredly toxic and drunken trip to Mexico (at least that was what Bravo banked on), but then the hostess of the trip discovered she had fibroid tumors and needed surgery and could not longer travel. Trip cancelled. Drama over.